Catoptric Tristesse
by ladybug-gangstar
Summary: A drabble of sorts of Margot and Alana's relationship. First chapter is Margot-centric, the second is Alana-centric Cross-Posted from AO3
1. Subtlety

Catoptric Tristesse

n. the sadness that you'll never really know what other people think of you, whether good, bad or if at all—that although we reflect on each other with the sharpness of a mirror, the true picture of how we're coming off somehow reaches us softened and distorted, as if each mirror was preoccupied with twisting around, desperately trying to look itself in the eye.

* * *

Subtlety

There is a balance between defiance and submission. Between lying through her teeth and spitting out words barbed with poison. She learned the art of subtlety under the strict watch of her brother's eyes; learned how to show her displeasure without stepping out of line, how to deflect his words, so often dripping with venom, by playing along. There is of course also a balance between playing the good younger sister, upholding the Verger family name and showing how she really feels, letting the dark dripping red anger of bitterness and abuse overtake her. Of course none of this really matters now, now that Mason is hardly mobile, now that he can effectively no longer be the face of the company.

In some ways, she has Hannibal to thank. He found the perfect solution, a way to insure that she gains control of her life without shutting her out of the Verger fortune. In other ways she knows that the scar from the surgery and removal of her would child are as much Hannibal's doing as it is her brother's.

She doesn't hurt him, not like he hurt her. She's not even sure if he is truly capable of experiencing the same pain that he has inflicted upon her. That doesn't stop her from letting the threat hang between the two of them. That doesn't stop her from occasionally giving him less pain medication than needed and watching him twitch in pain.

For a long part of her life, the stables have been her safe place. Her brother, for all his controlling ways can't get her while she's on a horse and surprisingly, he's never really tried to.

She goes to the stables, to clear her head. Taking out one of her favorite horses she rides, air rushing past her cheeks, losing herself to the rhythm of the horse's gait.

She's just finished brushing down her horse after returning when Dr. Alana Bloom approaches her. She knows who she is of course. The amount of time from Hannibal's rather bloody departure and the hospitalization of Will Graham and the others to now has given her plenty of time to hear about Dr. Bloom; however, it hasn't quite prepared her for how beautiful she is.

So she does what she has always done. Let's the cool exterior of the mask she's built for herself settle over her face to mask her emotions and when Dr. Bloom rather earnestly and tentatively says with a smile, "I'm not sure if this is my entrance" Margot responds with, "This can be your entrance." And let's the invitation rest between them.

It's subtle but from the look in Dr. Bloom's eyes Margot can tell that she has picked up on the her meaning. Margot lets the moment last a little bit longer, as she fiddles with her helmet and notes the ways Dr. Bloom's eyes watch her form before her attention is redirected to bringing Alana Bloom to Mason. As they approach his chambers a subtle shift occurs. Before taking her leave from them after warning Dr. Bloom about her brother she looks her in the eyes.

The warmth in her eyes is gone, replaced with cold.

It's the same look that Margot used to see in the mirror. The one that she was wearing before her first attempt to kill her brother.

Smiling to herself, she leaves. If Alana Bloom is sincere about working with her brother to find Hannibal then Margot has the distinct feeling that she'll be seeing her again soon.


	2. Scars

Scars

Alana doesn't ask about Margot's scars. At least not out loud. She runs her fingers gently over them as Margot leans into her touch.

It was hard at first, when she was released from the hospital, to fall asleep without the whirring of machinery. It's much easier to fall asleep holding Margot. The scent of vanilla shampoo lingering in her hair, the warmth of her body and her gentle breathing luring her to sleep.

The first time they had done this, it had been in the dark. In many ways it was easier that way: easier to protect themselves from each other and from themselves. It's funny, all things considered, how the first possibly serious relationship Alana ever had was with a serial killer. It's even more so when considering Margot's own attempt at ending her brother's life and Alana's current efforts to help Mason find Hannibal.

The third time they find comfort in one another, the lights stay on. Afterwards, Alana gently kisses Margot's scars. As if she can somehow absolve them with her lips. Alana has her own fair share of scars now too. Although not as many as the bones she's broken.

She's always known that she liked women as well as men, but it has always been easier to ignore those feelings. It can be rather hard to pursue a relationship when you have a Ph.D. in psychiatry and even then it has always been easier for her to find male partners than female ones. Even still Alana's always known, and when she sees Margot for the first time, she feels her heart skip a beat and her palms begin to sweat. Margot is beautiful in a timeless sort of classical way and Alana feels excited and nervous and elated all at once at the prospect of seeing her again and again.

So she continues to enter the Verger estate from the stables. The entrance is easier to find and it seems to be Margot's favorite part of the estate as well. She follows Margot inside and absentmindedly wonders if Will's dogs would like running along the estate grounds.

They don't talk about the past, which is in many ways a blessing. Alana's not sure if it's because she's afraid that she'll start psychoanalyzing Margot or if it's because they're both afraid that their past traumas will destroy their present. And so, Alana doesn't ask about Margot's scars although she knows who gave them to her. And Margot doesn't ask about Alana's even if she knows how she got them.


End file.
